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Back To Basics Weekend
Sunday 16th September 2001

Some Thoughts From Mark Bumford (Self-Confessed Phyllis Fancier) On The Pitt Rivers Museum

Sunday 16th of September turned into somewhat of a Remorseful Day when Antony announced to the assembled throng there was a Ghost In The Machine and we would be unable to watch the video of the Daughters Of Cain*.

Mark, who had been lusting after Phyllis Logan all weekend, was Driven To Distraction by this news as he had hoped to watch the video a Second Time Around. He blamed the fault on the Sins Of The Fathers, and added sadly that maybe Masonic Mysteries were the cause.Thoughts of Happy Families could not have been further from our minds at this point in time.

Someone asked if there was a possibility of Greeks Bearing Gifts of a replacement video recorder? Fat Chance was the reply, at least not until well after the Setting Of The Sun. The inevitable rumour started, the faulty machine could be repaired if it were taken by the Last Bus To Woodstock to the Secret Bay 5B for a Service Of All The Dead.

It was then that we heard the terrible news. The repairman, in order to arrive Dead On Time, had taken a shortcut via the Way Through The Woods and had been found in a Deadly Slumber.

Antony really had excelled himself with the organization this time! Although not one of his famous ‘Murder Mysteries’ he had provided us with a real (dead?) murder!

The full resources of the Inspector Morse Society swung into action to find out Who Killed Harry the Field service engineer.

Someone’s immediate hypothesis was the Infernal Serpent. While another who had been drinking (thinking?) two pints of Brakspear, announced with Absolute Conviction that it was the Last Enemy.

Upon further investigation however, it transpired that he had been Last Seen Wearing the Wolvercote Tongue, he had then been Decieved By Flight on his way to the Promised Land of the Silent World Of Nicholas Quinn and ended his days among Cherubim And Seraphim in that dark world of the Twilight Of The Gods.

Two things however were certain Lewis, ‘He was not among the Dead Of Jericho and Death was not caused by his Neighbour’.

* I have never been very practical of mind ever since in cookery class my home made bread suffered from the Death Of The Self-raising flour, but although the morning turned into the Day Of The Devil in all fairness I did try to fix the broken projector using some tools I found in a nearby cupboard, but unfortunately the Wrench Was Dead (which completes all 33 television episodes) - Antony.