Sherlock Holmes & The Secret Mission

By Eddie Maguire

It is the spring of 1912 and Dr Watson has decided to retire from practice. In order to rekindle his old friendship with Sherlock Holmes, Watson travels to Sussex for a short holiday. But within hours of his arrival, Watson finds himself drawn into a series of terrible events, surrounding the apparent death of Holmes' brother, Mycroft, the mysterious kidnapping of a London safe-maker and the murderous attack upon a seman. All these events are interrelated and Sherlock Holmes has to discover what lies at the root of it all, be it in london or Rome. The adventure continues in Russia in the companion to this volume, Sherlock Holmes & the Bolshevik Plot.

ISBN 1 901091 12 0

The Passengers' Log (May-August 2006)
by Margaret Jewell

A Sherlockian pastiche by Eddie Maguire (no, no that media footballing boss we Sydneysiders have come to know and despair of!) but t’other Eddie Maguire who is almost as good recounting a Holmes/Watson adventure as the Good Doctor himself. This tale opens with Dr Watson fed up with his doctoring, English weather and life generally. He decides that throwing in his medical practice and a visit from Holmes is just what er…the Doctor ordered! As fate would have it, an adventure with a few twists and turns, and a Gawdawful piece of behaviour, beckons!

Mycroft whilst serving His Majesty’s Government on a Secret Mission, (I can’t tell you as it’s secret! but it’s very big!) gets hospitalised for his efforts in a private clinic outside Rome. Our very own Sherlock although in comfortable retirement in Sussex, is seen as the only possible replacement to rescue Mycroft and accomplish the Secret Mission. Natch! However just as Holmes and Watson are getting their kit together for the Rescue Mycroft And Save The Kingdom Including Europe Mission, Watson receives a letter from Jacks, who is now managing his practice, that a Mrs Hunter Andrews is desperate for him to help find her kipnapped husband. After all his years with Mr. Holmes, Jacks and Mrs A are convinced something of Holmes’ clever detection must have rubbed off on him! Aaaah! We know better better, don’t we?

Holmes and Watson return to 221B Baker Street where Dr Watson has been living in relative discomfort. Mrs Hudson’s well-managed 221B is now in the hands of a friendly society and a distinctly unfriendly caretaker, Mrs Blair, and her son George. Holmes is quickly plunged into the problem of Mr Andrew’s kidnapping by none other than Lestrade. Almost as quickly, Holmes is formally advised in the most respectful terms that Mycroft had his appendix removed a few years earlier and, with a nice piece of ratiocination, Sherlock tells Watson they must waste no time, because if another Government employee is appointed to replace Mycroft….well, Mycroft really will need to be dead.

Without giving the game (and of course The Secret Mission) away, the kidnappers are in fact Russian émigrés plotting the overthrow of the Tsar and Mr Andrews is presumably the perfect master carpenter, locksmith and successful safe manufacturer who is going to advance their nasty cause. Her Majesty’s Government fears that anything other than a peaceful change in Russian royal rulership will plunge Europe into war. It also emerged that the Tsar and Tsarina might be suffering from poisoning by arsenic and Holmes fortuitously finds himself on the brink of being able to confirm that it is so.

Meanwhile at Ramsgate wharves, seaman Hockney sees the kidnapped Andrews being dragged onto his steamer, the ‘Pride of Thanet’, captained by Jefferson. Hockney hightails it outta there for 221B Baker Street (what insight!) but owing to Holmes & Watson being at supper and therefore “not in”, he decides to wait out the night in a nearby park and try again in the morning. Unfortunately, the kidnappers have contacted their London buddies to seek Hockney out and kill him. Hockney gets seriously knifed and, having had his pockets loaded for him, is on the point of being thrown into the briny depths when he comes to and socks his would-be killer a beauty. He makes it to Baker Street and tells Holmes & Watson all about it. Huzzah for Hockney!

A disturbing twist in the tale occurs shortly after all these goings-on when, back in Sussex, Holmes lures Hockney’s assailants, Wilson and Turner (not their real names!), after dark, to Holmes’ Cliff House where he and Watson will be waiting, revolvers at the ready. Holmes surprises them but Wilson pushes Turner, the bearded man, into Holmes’ path and Holmes shoots Turner….dead! Wilson escapes, Watson fires, but misses. Amazingly, Holmes convinces Watson that now is definitely not the right time to call in the police but instead the should “dispose of the corpse so it will come to light later with no suspicion attached to either of them! The life of my brother and the peace of Europe depends on it!” Watson was appalled and so was I! Maybe all that bee-keeping and fresh air and noxious experiments had taken its toll on poor Holmes! Watson says a short prayer for Turner aka Parker before they hurl him over the cliff. Thinking like a real criminal, Holmes says they have to clean up the evidence before his housekeeper, Mrs Oliver, arrives at 7am. A quick calculation on my part and I realised time was going to be very tight for them.

I suppose I must say that the point of Holmes and Watson covering up a killing, albeit somewhat accidental although Holmes set the situation up, is a Maguire touch not unlike that of our very own Media Mogul Maguire who is lopping off head left right and centre and pleading excuses such as the life of Channel 9 depends upon it! Humbug!

Now that I have a bee in my bonnet, I will sweep to the end of the story to say that whilst Holmes & Watson secure Mycroft’s return to the homeland, they are not so diligent with Mr. Andrews’ secure return to his wife. As it turns out, due to slack surveillance on the part of the Italian police, the kidnappers escape with Andrews and we must now wait for the sequel ‘Sherlock Holmes & The Bolshevik Plot’ to see if Holmes and Watson, packing for St. Petersburg as I write, save that nice Mr. Andrews with the dark gypsy eyes who has been so put upon, the Tsar and Tsarina, and no doubt the whole of Europe from shooting itself in the foot.

There is a nasty twist to this covering up of Turner aka Parker’s killing and subsequent disposal of the corpse. When Holmes and Watson learn of the whereabouts of Andrews and his kidnappers in the Hotel Romanov, in Benevento, and with the help of the local police, burst into the right room (thank heavens for small mercies) Watson and Wilson aka Shukin (Turner aka Parker’s mate) recognise each other from the night when Holmes shot Parker. Watson says “Yes, It is I. No, do not attempt to move, for I shall surely shoot you down just as you once shot Vincent Parker.”!!!!! Gobsmacked I was! Poor Dr. Watson…we have learned a few times in this tale that he is dreadfully uneasy with all the lies being told. He really does have a conscience notwithstanding all his marriages.

I have to say that Holmes and Watson don’t discuss the matter of Watson’s using Shukin as a scapegoat or indeed how they might deal with the eventual surfacing of Parker’s corpse. This callousness seems contradictory to Holmes’ showing Watson he now has his formidable repertoire the ability to show real pity together with the understanding of how much hurt her caused Dr. Watson when he took his hiatus.

Great story! Can’t wait for the sequel! I need to know why Mr Andrews was the perfect choice to aid the planned revolution in Russia, the once after the 1905 one, and that he makes a full recovery from being perpetually drugged. I really need to know that Mr Holmes and Dr Watson have sorted everything, corpse-wise, with the authorities, even if it is Lestrade, and that Dr Watson’s conscience and integrity are whole once more.

The District Messenger (17 Dec'05)

Sherlock Holmes and the Secret Mission is an engaging tale of espionage and skulduggery, the equivalent of a serial at the Saturday Morning Pictures, where you can’t wait to find out what happens next. You’ll have to wait, though, because having taken Holmes and Watson to Italy on the trail of Russian revolutionaries Mr Maguire will continue the story in a second volume, Sherlock Holmes and the Bolshevik Plot.